And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
Matthew 6:12
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15
God’s standard for forgiveness is high. He ties His own forgiveness of our sins to our forgiveness of those who have wronged us. This is the standard for true believers in Christ – those redeemed of the Lord. It is so fundamental to life in Christ that if you cannot forgive someone, you have to examine yourself whether or not you be in the faith.
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? But I trust that ye shall know that we are not reprobates.
2 Corinthians 13:5-6
Its very simple logic: if you forgive others, then you yourself will be forgiven by God. Redemption, the forgiveness of our sins only comes by faith in Christ which involves repentance. Part of that repentance is to stop holding people in their sin against us. God releases us from our sin and we release others from their sin against us. If you choose to continue to hold others in their sin against you, then there is no repentance. Repentance must me complete. Its a decision to turn away from all of your sin and embrace God’s ways.
Forgiveness of others is not works righteousness. Its a litmus test you can use to assess yourself as Paul says. Are you in the faith or not? Well, have you forgiven others? Do you continue to forgive others? If you are refusing to forgive regardless of the magnitude of the sin committed against you, and you consider yourself a follower of Christ, then you must evaluate yourself honestly. Don’t evaluate the other person, evaluate yourself. Stop refusing to forgive. Forgive and forget. Its hard and its a process. But once you make the decision, the process can begin and God will help. He always will help when you resolve to do something in alignment with His will. Just make the decision to forgive and forget.
Remember, forgiveness was not easy for the Lord. His forgiveness of those who believe comes at a very high price. God chose to forgive us. Its a decision. He didn’t have to. Christ going to the cross was a hard thing – we will never know the magnitude of His suffering and the price He paid so that we can be forgiven. But He chose to do that because of His great love for us. Remember John 3:16?
Forgetting
I recently had a conversation with someone about forgetting sin as a component of forgiveness. The contention of this person was that it was not possible to forget. Well, God says that He will remember our sin no more. God knows everything. But He chooses to forget our sin.
I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake,
Isaiah 43:25
and will not remember thy sins.
What happens when you hold someone in their sin? The memory of the sin grows stronger, it becomes distorted and bigger in your perception of the person. You weaponize it, dragging it out, magnifying and distorting the transgression into something it never was. You recount the sin and judge the motives and character of the person until relationship is completely broken. You are separated from that person with no hope or even desire for reconciliation. It becomes hatred and bitterness that grows strong in your own life and colors the attitude you have towards others. Other relationships become harder. You begin to hold others in their sin and the process propagates into all of your relationships until they are all destroyed. I’ve seen it happen. Its more destructive to the unforgiving person than it is to anyone else.
So how do you forget? What does that even mean. Its not possible to forget…is it? Well, God forgets – the all knowing God forgets our sins. Its not hyperbole or some other language device. I believe God means it. Its real. It happens because He makes a decision to forget your transgressions. So then it is indeed possible to forget. I know, we are human and He is God. He can do things we can’t.
What if we tried the same thing? As part of our forgiveness of a person, what if we prayerfully before the Lord make a conscious decision to not only forgive the sin but to forget it? What does that look like?
Let me give an illustration. I was trained as a mechanical engineer. I received a Master Engineering degree in 1981. But over the years, I got into other areas of business and management and stopped using my engineering skills. As a result of not continually practicing engineering skills such as calculus, physics, computational methods, and design I have literally forgotten them. I could not solve an engineering equation today to save my life.
Its the same thing with forgiveness. When you choose to “forget”, it means you no longer dwell on the transgression of that person against you. When the thought comes into your mind to think about the sin, you dismiss the thought and replace it with prayer for yourself and the person. You think about something else – a bible verse, the Kingdom of God, positive aspects of a relationship. Its hard at first, it takes effort, and its certainly a process. But when you choose to stop thinking about the sin against you it starts to diminish in its strength and influence over your thoughts.
Me personally – I just don’t allow the thought of past sins to enter into my mind. Maybe they pop into my mind from time to time but honestly, without giving them sway over my thoughts, they have become unimportant and thus kind of inert. Like my engineering skills which were strong at one point, I just don’t think about it anymore. The sins against me, like my engineering skills, are effectively forgotten. Its like it never happened.
Bottom line, I believe it is possible to forgive and forget. In fact, true forgiveness must include forgetting. Forgetting simply means you stop the process of replaying the sin over and over in your mind, allowing it to grow stronger and stronger until it becomes a chain of bondage for you. Trust me – if you do not add this component of forgetting, there will be no forgiveness and it will remain strong in your mind to the detriment of the peace God wants you to have.
Forgive and forget. Be released in the Name of the Lord.
